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I want to tell you something about what happened with the first Fight.
Well, my friend, I suppose you came here wanting to hear about Dragons of old, knights in shining armour, or castles on high. Well, I love those stories too. And I often wonder about them. The Legend of the Dragon is varied about the world. The one that's cropping up now after being hidden internally in some of us is also varied throughout the world. YES, I said world. This is one that lies dormant over time and appears when the cause and effects of it are ripe to appear. I believe in cause and effect now.
So, I also have learned that positive actions bring positive results in life, and that negative actions bring negative results both in this life and in future lives.
There are 4 Truths that are the fundamental teachings of cause and effect.
1. The truth of suffering-that we are bound to meet with trouble, pain, and disappointment in life.
2. The cause of suffering-suffering arises when we refuse to recognize the reality of life and instead attempt to make reality conform to our desires.(or our cravings,wants)Or that life should be a source of unchangeable happiness.
3. The freedom from suffering-the relief from suffering is possible.(Nirvana,which means to extinguish the flames of selfish cravings through training and this is work friends. Facing painful experiences in our lives and not suffering. What is meant here is to face any situation, painful or pleasant,and have a joyful,peaceful loving heart.)
4. The way to eliminate suffering- how to stop clinging and free ourselves from suffering. A middle way, between self-indulgence and self-denial.(Or the eightfold Path) see Buddhist literature for this)some links will be at the last page for info on this, or look up eightfold path on google.
Any way there is a path that is easier, too bad I did not have this laid out for me when I was younger. Perhaps, that would of made a difference and maybe not. I think it would have. To hear more of the Dragon keep reading.
I like many others suffer with suffering. On and off, it comes and goes. When its on with this cure and the treatment, its worse. Let me give you an excerpt from my journal of how it was on treatment for Hepatitis C. May I remind you to remember that this dormant disease can rear its ugly little beastly claws and wings and fly when the conditions are ripe.
One other thing before I get started, you can get this Virus from many causes, from needle sticks, from tainted blood on any article it has touched, from toothbrushes, to toothpaste, to blood supplies they don't screen properly, unclean nail tools,(I used to be a nail tech and at this point I would suggest doing your own nails.!! Go to the site I recommended for more info PLEASE ...get Informed.
When I went to my doctor for the first time it was for relief of pain and fatigue. Which in turn was affecting my job, my family, my self-esteem, my thinking. As you know suffering can be from various sources. It can be from a loss of a job, a friend, an object, your hair, my mind, my way. The achy stabbing hurting joints, the way I can hardly grip a can opener at times to open a can of something to eat, to hold a pen is painful, to use a paintbrush anymore brings pain, my jaw hurts even when I don't chew something, to sit at my desk hurts my body, to wear my most comfortable pair of shoes, hurts. PAIN, PAIN, PAIN. I'm sick tired of it today. My upper right quadrant hurts on & off where my liver is. My skin get sores and scabs, I get red blistery bumps on my feet and palms of my hands that turn and blister open and then peel. Yes, at times I'm tired of fighting this dragon. Armed with only Tylenol (and too much of that is not good for the liver) aspirin is definitely out of the question and so is Aleve.
Like many others I suffer with suffering. On and off, it comes and goes.
When its on with this cure or the treatment, its worse. Let me give you an excerpt from my journal of how it was on treatment for Hepatitis C.
May I remind you to remember that this dormant disease can rear its ugly little beastly claws and wings and fly when the conditions are ripe.
One other thing, you can get this Virus from many causes, from needle sticks, from tainted blood on any article it has touched, from toothbrushes, to toothpaste, to blood supplies if they don't screen properly, unclean nail tools,(I used to be a nail tech and at this point I would suggest doing your own nails.!! Go to the site I recommended for more info PLEASE ...get Informed.
When I went to my doctor for the first time it was for relief of pain and fatigue. Which in turn was affecting my job, my family, my self-esteem, my thinking. You know suffering can be from various sources. It can be from a loss of a job, a friend, an object, your hair, my mind, my way.
The achy stabbing hurting joints, the way I can hardly grip a can opener at times to open a can of something to eat, to hold a pen is painful, to use a paintbrush anymore brings pain, my jaw hurts even when I don't chew something, to sit at my desk hurts my body, to wear my most comfortable pair of shoes, hurts. PAIN, PAIN,PAIN.
I'm sick and tired of it today. My upper right quadrant hurts on & off where my liver is. My skin get sores and scabs, I get red blisters, bumps on my feet and palms of my hands that turn and blister open and then peel, and itch. Yes, at times I'm tired of fighting this dragon. Armed with only Tylenol (and too much of that is not good for the liver) aspirin is definitely out of the question and so is Aleve, (so says my Doctors).. I feel like at times I'm going to loose it, then it subsides. I go to sleep, or try to meditate, put a CD on with headphones to listen to music or say my mantras , or how to Cd's (bio-feedback). Sleep is a big relief, but then of course I have to wake up. Feel good for a bit and then it starts again. I must be in a Hell realm, I think to myself. I'm sure its that. What did I do in another life or this one to warrant this. Demons abound in my mind, and it inspires my artwork though. Hmm, something good can come out of this it seems. I say no and I say yes, this treatment for a cure is worse it seems than the disease.
My choices, not to treat and not be rid of the virus, or to live longer and choose the interferon that has a chance of eradicating this thing.
Before, I could eat a meal and food tasted good, now it taste like nothing, no taste and the smell of meat cooking is horrible. I lost hair in patches, it was falling out when I touched it, so I just shaved my head. Now, I look like a Buddhist Nun. I cried, but got over it. For its just hair, its not my soul, my heart. I found refuge in things to help me cope in constructive ways. Reading positive literature.(Buddhism) Why, because I've been attracted to it since I was 15, and now I'm 55. I like it because it does not focus on worshiping or appeasing some superhuman being whose powers and understanding are forever beyond my reach. And its not idolatry, no worshipping of arcane symbols, statues, or a group of deities. Buddhist believe in ultimate reality, or Buddha nature, that enables us to attain enlightenment, do not confuse this with the historical person called Buddha. He may have taught the way, but he does not transcend our ability to emulate him. To realize our true nature and change our afflictions, such as hate, greed, and ignorance, that is enlightenment. And not to mention the peaceful nature it brings to self and all if practiced with the right mindfulness. Anyway When I was on treatment I never drank so much water in my life, I still do, and like it. Some of us respond to the treatment there is out now and others don't. I just happen to have genotype 1b , which is one of the more common ones and very hard to treat. This virus likes to hide from treatment. Kind of like at times when I want to hide from myself..Denial certain afflictions exist.
But, the Dragon is still alive. Skimming the ground with my gigantic wings as I fly over, people run and scurry away, Its like leprosy. Only another Dragon understands the pain of losing friends because of misunderstood ignorance of this disease. And I did. I understand them now. Most people know nothing about how to prevent this, and ignorance like when AIDS first came out is bountiful.
I had to read up on this extensively. Dr's don't have the time to tell you it all, all they told me is I had it and it was passed on through my blood. My wings are becoming worn, my dragon breathe is offensive, no one wants to hear me say at home one more time "I don't feel good". I don't want to hear it in my inner realm of my mind either. Dragging myself to the doctor again for more blood to be taken, then when I see him he doesn't want to try any more treatments, when we found out this didn't work 3 months after I was done with it. It worked at first, but I am what you would call a relapser. I ask him about being treated again and he said he wants to wait for a new one. This is disturbing to me, I ask him why and he said because all the Interferon's are the same. I know that's not true. Some have different properties and others are being retreated again because there is hope. How long till something new comes out I want to know. It could be 5 or 10 yrs, and this weighs on my brain like an egg on a hot sidewalk in August.
These thoughts gnawing at my brain carry me home, still hurting, I wonder Am I IN The DARK AGES? No, because if I was..I would be dead by now.The futility of the Dragon looms on in my mind. Do the Dr's. ask how I feel, if I am in pain, why no. When I go to explain in the few minutes and I have I never quite am clear enough. Brain Fog, and forgetting..its not old age folks......... More on next page. Next
I've gotten more info, friends who stick by my side.Former Dragon-fighters who understand the plight and worry and hang in there with you no matter what.
They have more energy than I. Advocates are needed,
I now understand. I at times just feel like I cant carry on some days. I feel better now, I still get very tired and am still in pain, and have learned to pace myself.
I have about 4 good hours in the day. Its funny its my life and I wish treatment again, but there is this part of me that doesn't.
That must be the Dragon speaking to me, wanting me to give up.On treatment, there were times I wanted to just die, really, it was tiring fighting the pain and agony. But then I snap out of it by picking up the phone, talking to someone, or get my uplifting books, or go to the Hep C support group.
My cat (Harlow)and my son have been my constant support and stream of joy and laughter too. Sometimes I just break up laughing at the whole thing.
I tell you what if it wasn't for humor of life and the wonderful people I have met, I don't think I would be here right now. Thanks to those who have taught me to be grateful.
All I have to do is look around me and I see the wonderful things people have made to make life easier for everyone. I didn't make the bed I lie in, the plate I eat off, the clothes I wear, and if I did make my necklace or earrings or anything else, I must thank the ones who made the beads, findings, the clay for the plate, the plastic to wrap the food in, the farmers for growing the food, mother earth for giving us the soil. The cup and water I drink out of, the water out of the tap, I didn't make any of that.
I sit here and really look at what I have really made in life and am awed by how much more I can do. A lot..I have barely touched the surface of making life easier for others, much less myself. Well, I don't want to re-picture myself to much and bog myself down with all that. Every day is brand new, and I have a chance to do something about it. I also have come to terms with a lot lately, and am okay. I just go in and out of insanity of my own mind. When I do the right thing to help whether it be myself or someone else its all good. I am working on it and that's what counts. I know aversion will blind me to positive qualities of the object I don't like, wishing to repel, destroy, or run away from it. Empty states like that impair ones judgment, and the ability to correct assessment of the nature of things. Any excessive desire I have will not let me see the balance in pleasant and unpleasant, constructive and destructive emotions. So, I must remember constructive emotions go with more correct application of what one is perceiving.
Take care My Friends, and remember those good times and tough times appear and then disappear. Nothing is forever but your consciousness, or as some say soul.
Leave a comment or a link for others to read, on this topic. thanks.
